Ten Keys To Successful Dating And Marriage Relationships And Marriage
Here are 10 gender-based needs that will keep a marriage strong and healthy. For starters, it doesn't say, "I want to date this woman because the market So what does that look like in real life if you're about to tie the knot? And women hold the key because so much approval and affirmation comes. Your marriage should be your primary relationship — not your only one. Via For After ten weeks, the couples again took tests to gauge the quality of their relationships. greater increase in marital satisfaction than the “pleasant” date night group How the Cult of Early Success Is Bad for Young People. Our relationship is different from our parents' but just as lasting. I joke that I was a child bride in an arranged marriage, sold with a Steve and I swam laps after work and grabbed a burrito at 10 p.m. He I had back surgery (successful) and he had his first colonoscopy Sharing dreams of retirement.
Often times, our marriages follow the same trajectory. At first, when we have nothing but each other, we focus intently on the important building blocks of a healthy marriage.
Suddenly, we worry more about the appraisal value of our home than the value of our relationship. We check the health of our retirement account far more often than the health of our marriage.
Or we spend more time taking care of the car in the garage than the other person in our bed. Wise couples realize that a nice home, car, or retirement account may appear nice to have, but they do not make a successful marriage.
They understand that there are far more important principles at play. At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever — and that is what defines true love.
It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy.
But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life. Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse.
Ten Keys to Successful Dating and Marriage Relationships
When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse.
Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness. We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness.
Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you — that simple exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary. Because no one is perfect see 3patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship.
Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage. Neither of these marriage partners was being smothered by a selfish mate. And as you think about that eventual responsibility that you will have of raising children, keep that concept in mind.
If you will give them gobs of freedom, almost beyond logic sometimes, they will grow in precious ways that will give them the confidence to do what needs to be done.
They are interested in one another, and yet they set each other free to grow and mature—never free to flirt, but free to take on new challenges and to pursue new interests. Jealousy is a subtle form of bondage and is the most smothering of human passions.
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We must allow each other plenty of room for personal growth and expression. When both partners are able to develop their talents and interests, the marriage is less likely to suffer from boredom and narrowness. Paying compliments Sixth, compliment each other sincerely and often, just as you do or will do during the dating period.
He gets so much attention from others that he needs to be brought down a peg or two. He gets too big for his britches.
Every husband needs a wife who will build him up, and every wife needs a husband to honor and to respect her. Building each other with sincere compliments is never a sign of weakness. It is the right thing to do. Anyone who can contemplate kneeling at an altar, participating in an eternal ordinance—or those who have—can certainly find lovely things to say about a partner. So often in those stressful circumstances where divorce has occurred, I will hear comments such as this from a divorced man or woman: How I wish he or she would come back.
The loneliness is unbearable. I neglected to tell him or her so many things. Oh, if only I had let her or him know how good she or he was in so many ways. What a fool I was! I could never learn to compliment and to build. I was always pointing out her or his mistakes. I want to tell them to quit their sarcasm and instead to encourage each other. We all tend to become the persons described in the compliments that our spouses and friends pay us. We will do almost anything to live up to the compliments and encouragements of a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a proud wife or husband.
Let me tell you a story about a man who received his PhD from this institution. We had known this person for a number of years. He married later than many, and as we watched him relate with a young woman, we wondered if she could keep up; we wondered if she had the capacity to understand life as he had learned it because he was more than several years older.
Then, as we observed that couple at social functions and elsewhere, we saw that he would take time to carefully instruct her. As he returned from classwork, he would bring home books for her to read and to study. As they took long walks, they were constantly teaching each other. What a beautiful marriage and what a lovely family they now have because they have taken the time to compliment and to build each other! They are serving now in the mission field together, there because of his sensitivity and because of her sensitivity, there because they desire to build one another.
Talking Openly As a seventh recommendation, in dating or in marriage, never resort to the silent treatment. Always be open and straightforward with each other.
Too often we may respond to tensions by clamming up or by taking a walk. A young wife in the southwest corner of Salt Lake County asked me to talk with her husband. He just walks out the door. He can go on for days or even a week or two without saying a word. Let me work it out by myself. What is marriage if it is not sharing and helping one another through crises? Keep the door to your heart open. The times when we shut others out are often the times when we need their help the most.
Of course we need times of privacy, to think alone. Of course we need time to pray and to meditate.
And we should understand and respect these needs in others. However, we should never be inconsiderate or unappreciative of a concerned husband or wife who is trying to help at a time of trouble and discouragement. Even when cheating has occurred, we must be willing, under most circumstances, to accept their true repentance.
Thousands of marriages have survived the most critical problems and have been successful only because godly sorrow for sin was followed by Christlike forgiveness. A woman was referred to my office for a blessing for the restoration of her health. She had been ill for seven years. She had had exploratory surgery three times, had been in the hospital a number of times, and had switched doctors more often than annually.
And I declined to give her a blessing when the Spirit said there was nothing wrong physically. Brothers and sisters, you can imagine what an awkward position I found myself in, having to say no. She had not been pleased with his behavior and had carried with her a scarred heart, emotions that had been disrupted and confused, and she was bitter.
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Now wait just a minute, Elder Pinnock. About ten days later the telephone rang. I have thought a great deal about it since then, and I believe that is your problem.
Confiding Only in the Bishop or Branch President Ninth, remember never to turn to a third party in time of marital trouble except to your bishop or branch president. In sensitive and inspired ways he will direct you to a competent counselor if that is what is needed. Someone is always ready and eager to consult a hurting wife or husband, and when marriage partners have no one to talk with at home, unfortunately, too often they seek a friend elsewhere.
And that, dear brothers and sisters, is where almost all adultery has its origin. It can happen in the neighborhood, in a ward choir, at the office, or anywhere else. Secret affairs begin innocently enough just by talking about mutual hurts, but then comes a dependency period that too often ends in transferring loyalty and affection, followed by adultery.
Never ever, never ever, confide your marriage troubles to a third party, no, not even to your closest friend. He or she may be the first to tell your troubles to another, becoming the one to hurt you most severely. Lean on the Savior and rely upon your bishop and your stake president. Remember that because, as the years quickly come and go, there will be stressful times when you will need to talk to someone.
Ten Keys to Successful Dating and Marriage Relationships - BYU Speeches
Remember who it should be. The system which the Lord has given us is simple. Having Fun Tenth, have clean, wholesome fun during your dating years and retain the same joy in marriage. God intends for us to find joy in life. Man is that he might have joy.
Most marriages begin with joy, and those that succeed retain it. Last Thanksgiving we went up to Bear Lake. We have a little farm home there. My wife and I began a tickling contest. I am a world-class tickler. I am one of the greatest ticklers that has ever lived. Well, as we were laughing and giggling, in came the children. Soon they joined in and we had a great time.
When a marriage loses its happiness, it becomes weak and vulnerable. Find a happy home, and you will find a joyful couple at the helm. Husbands and wives who no longer laugh and play together are losing their fondness for each other and perhaps even their capacity to stay together.
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True love includes a joyful, almost childlike quality. In other words, live it up—righteously. It is a gloomy moment in the history of our country. Not in the lifetime of most men has there been so much grave and deep apprehension. Never has the future seemed so uncalculable as at this time.
The domestic situation is in chaos. Our dollar is weak throughout the world. Prices are so high as to be utterly impossible. The political caldron seethes and bubbles with uncertainty.