Dating a guy who drinks and smokes. Would guys prefer a girl who drinks or smokes generally.
Only about 20% of men smoke, leaving you 80% to choose from. Why date a smoker to begin with, if it's a dealbreaker? .. “Unwise diets are killing more people than about anything else—including smoking, drinking and drug use. Every cigarette is different: there is the one you smoke while waiting for another person, the one for when you're bored, or nervous, or drinking. This will lead you to Drink and smoke Weed. There is no question about it. It is just a matter of time as you will start seeing it all around you, and.
You are not being too harsh, and it's a fair line to draw. But take people case by case. Saying that casual sex is not for you is fine; saying you wouldn't touch someone who has had casual sexual experiences "with a ten foot pole" is pretty degrading. You might also want to think about the way you're framing your own drug use in terms of personal choice and class connotations-- you're rationalizing your own drinking habit because you read it was healthy, you associate it with very personal experiences like writing "my stories" and classy activities like playing piano.
You don't seem to want to imagine that people who use other drugs may have similar reasons or patterns of use.
As to the friend of a friend who did acid-- you're not obligated to be attracted to anyone, but an alcoholic pianist is many more times more problematic within the context of a relationship than someone who dropped acid once in college.
If you are preoccupied enough with working out your boundaries around substance use and relationships that you're asking an advice forum, I think it might be helpful for you to learn more-- to examine your ideas and fears about the kinds of people who consume, and learn what healthy and unhealthy levels of drug and alcohol use look like. LSD and marijuana are not the same class of drug, either legally or culturally, and it would greatly improve your ability to make safe judgements safe for you if you became more fluent in the cultural mores of your friend group and the group from which you're selecting potential partners.
Make your decisions based on real knowledge, not abstract, ignorant standards of "influence" that you yourself don't live up to. For the effect, and socially. A bit different from a "wine tasting or holiday. I would date people who drink occasionally and get drunk occasionally but never blackout drunk or throwing up drunk.
That is my personal line. Being pretty well drunk, though? Basically harmless if no one is driving. I'd let this one slide. Your question makes me glad I'm not in my early 20s and living in Portland anymore.
It's not too hard to be friends with someone who eats only bread or lives with five parrots; they're weird, but it's a weirdness that affects only them. In a relationship, you get a lot closer to someone's individual weirdnesses. I do think it'll help you to clarify, for yourself, what your thoughts are on drinking and drugs, and why they're a turnoff for you. Even your update is sort of murky: And there's a difference in wanting to date a non-drinker so you can enjoy the same sorts of activities and wanting to date a non-drinker because you consider drinking to be a bad thing.
A lot of this comes down to social circles, too. I lived in a pretty remote community where I was literally one of four people under 40 who didn't use recreational drugs. It was just the culture there and it was kinda lonely for me, and there was a lot of pressure, too. My social circles are different now and it's not quite so lonely. So if your particular circle is really into that which, again, is fine you might want to expand your circle of friends. Personally, I don't care if someone smokes pot or not, but I wouldn't want to date a daily pot user.
On the other hand, I like my wine, so if that's a deal-breaker for someone, so be it. In either scenario, chances are we would both be uncomfortable far too much of the time. Do I think you sound a bit judgmental about people's past behavior? So, if anything, I'd say judge the person on who they are now, not on who they were that one time or semester they did LSD. Regardless, you don't need to justify your dating choices to anyone but yourself. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
Are you a hypocrite for holding potential partners to a different standard than friends?
Absolutely not, I think most people do this in one way or another. Now, I'm not suggesting that you should date alcoholics, or druggies, or unrepentant potheads.
So, what do you consider a "normal social event" for drinking? If you go out to dinner with someone, and he orders a drink with his meal, is that normal? If he keeps a six-pack in the fridge and has a beer once in awhile while relaxing at home, is that normal? Because if these sorts of things are too much drinking for you You are allowed to do that, if you want. It doesn't mean you are a terrible person. But you should be aware of the tradeoffs.
Pot is going to be easier to weed out pun I don't know if it was intended or notbut, you know, smoking pot once a month isn't really a habit. Or at least it probably isn't a habit. Weekly, kind of; daily, absolutely - but not monthly. I think phunniemee's standard, or something close to it, is something you may want to think about. If someone's world revolves around getting high or getting drunk, that's a problem - but it will reveal itself quickly.
A moderate drinker or a moderate pot smoker should not have a problem significantly toning down their consumption in your presence. In, like, jazz cigarettes? So, first off, you're totally allowed to be judgmental in deciding who you date.
That's one of the fundamental rules of pair-seeking, that you're allowed to not date who you don't like for pretty much whatever reason. But stuff like that, combined with: I even recommend it. But you're coming across like someone who says they wouldn't date anyone who listened to country or rap, not just judgmental but ignorant too.
Quite frankly, I bet some of those same people you rule out to date because of drinking or drug use would want to know you don't imbibe in anything. They would rule you out as a potential dating partner. If you think a rare glass of red wine while playing music makes you open minded and not a prude about alcohol or drugs, I think you should rethink that.
But, there is nothing wrong with being closed minded on the subject. I am older, but I do recall in my youth, that I quit smoking pot when a girlfriend asked me to because her father was a town judge and something something reputation.
It wasn't a big deal to quit nor was it a big deal that she asked. Maybe before you rule someone out, find out their level of use and their willingness to stop. You are entitled to have your preferences in lifestyles and decide who you want to date.
That's making a judgement but it's fine. I personally would hardly befriend someone who uses drugs. Yet, I am a drinker and would understand if someone didn't want to date me. That's not meant to be snide, more just to observe that the people on the other side of the fence from you are not strictly more tolerant in terms of their dating criteria.
Judging potential romantic partners: I'm not interested in dating anyone who partakes in mind altering substances. While I do drink coffee and have the occasional drink 1 a month?
I think it has to do with the mindset of these potential dates, combined with my own personal taste. I don't want to be with someone who regularly changes the way they think and who they are even temporarily by taking a substance. I just want them to be them, regularly and on the level. That they might take something and then be somehow impaired or different lends an air of randomness and selfishness to life that I'm just not looking to take on.
Who I date, they will have all of me. So I feel it's unfair for them to unconsciously expect me to take care of them when they're off their faces or deliberately hijacking their health. The element of surprise, of not knowing who they turn into or what they might to, it's just not good enough for this gal. And no, it's not hip to think this way.
Is it bad to date a guy who smokes weed and drinks a lot?
It's probably not going to increase your standing among your friends. But it's how some of us think and feel. Of course, my thinking is not your thinking. But it's where I'm coming from when I refuse to date smokers, heavy drinkers, etc. If I was in the dating scene, I probably wouldn't date people who drink to excess or take lots of drugs regularly. However, that's something that I would decide while getting to know a person not when I'd only just met them.
For example, I once I went on a date with this guy from okcupid and I think he had three or four glasses of beer to my one. I wasn't attracted to him anyway, but him not following social cues and drinking much more than me just added to that.
I knew that he wasn't a guy I wanted to keep dating. On the other hand, my ex was a smoker tobacco only. I never would have imagined that I would date a smoker. But while getting to know him, it was never an issue: I would say that this is where your attitude is really judgemental.
You don't even really know the guy and you're making a lot of assumptions about his relationship with drugs and alcohol and what that means about his personality.
For all you know, he might actually be cutting back on the pot or he might only actually smoke very rarely with his friends. It doesn't mean that he wakes up every morning and the first thing he does is take a bong hit. And honestly, your paragraph at the end about how you're not a prude made you sound Are you sure that you're hanging around in the right circles if your friends sometimes do LSD but you won't even touch a cup of coffee? I don't drink or do drugs and neither does my boyfriend.
I have lots of other friends who don't do drugs, and a couple of other friends who don't drink at all either. You might think about signing up for OKcupid or expanding your social circle so that you run into more people who have the same ideas as you do. Either they only do on special occasions and only have one or two, or just don't at all. I could apply the exact same metric to weed and other drugs. It would be pretty much exactly the same ratio. The people who don't, don't get shit for it.
They also tend to date other people who don't. There's plenty of people out there with similar preferences to you, and anyone who isn't an asshole won't have much of a real opinion on it. I also threw in and pretty much entirely backspaced a bit similar to what klang says that you do come off as a bit of a hardhead about this in some ways, but once again, you will find plenty of likeminded company. A former good friend who drifted away due to distance has had maybe 2 beers in his entire life, and had a huge group of friends who were exactly the same way.
Additionally, i think mefi skews a bit towards being a group of people who generally do partake, and who have almost entirely like minded friends. Pretty much perfectly describes one of my exes. And once again, she had many like-minded friends and seems to have had no trouble finding people on the same page to date.
But jeeze, did it sure feel weird to write a "nah, that's within the spectrum of not that odd" as someone who is like In my dating years, I wouldn't step out with anyone who had a speech impediment.
Just couldn't go there. That would be egregious. But, that's not the case here. Just don't make any big, righteous statements about your standards. That might tip you over into the "holier than thou" category, and you don't want that. Reefer is good for aching joints at the end of a long day. Err, so they tell me. Don't let people get you down - I'm getting a weird peer-pressure vibe from some of these responses.
How is it not judgmental to come down on someone for not smoking pot? I broke it off with a guy in the casual-get-to-know you phase for a few reasons but one was because he told me he was high every time we got together.
Fine, whatever, smoke a blunt whenever, but for me and what I've been through by this point, I want to make sure that the person I'm getting to know is the genuine article and their authentic self. It's not fair otherwise, because what will you do if it works out?
Would You Date A Man Who Smokes And Drinks? - Romance - Nigeria
If you were to commence a relationship with her and she's done trying to impress you as much, she might feel more comfortable showing you her vices. Trying to "fix" or change them I want to present them with the fact that I can't stand smoking like telling someone you're deaf, or really disorganised, or a republicanand let them decide whether that's a problem for them or they're willing to compromise. I doubt she'd smoke around you, at least on the first few dates, but if she does I would suggest that you convey your feelings with actions rather than words.
If she lights up in front of you, just swipe the smoke away as you would any irritant but don't let it distract from whatever conversation you're having with her. If she sees you do this, it will simplify the matter for her, because it means you find the smell of cigarettes very unpleasant to your senses and you don't want unpleasant smells around you.
When is the best time to bring this up, assuming we're at the initial chatting phase and they haven't agreed to a date yet?
9 Dating Deal-breakers
Realistically, don't say anything. Just go on a date with her. Lorraine, what if you live with or marry such a man? Are you going to tell him he can't smoke in his own home? How will that work? Oracle, hope u ve not forgotten its easier said dan done. U think its very easy to stop a guy who has been smoking and drinking a chain smoker?. I think the thing is how strong is one to be able to put up with smoking and drinking before the person can change, or before one gives up and decides that enough is enough?
As humans, we're resistant to change. I agree, to some extent, love can turn him around.